I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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