Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
