I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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