I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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