I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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