Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You smell like stripper and shame
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
