There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
