The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We have started to decorate penises.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Randomize
