So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Are we still banned from the library?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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