It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
