you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
