yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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