To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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