What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
