I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
