May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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