I puked a lego.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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