Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
