Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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