I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
