I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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