i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
