question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
