I think I died a long time ago.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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