we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
