She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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