so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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