Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
