it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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