How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
