then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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