the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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