marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
