1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
