he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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