I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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