We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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