I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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