I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
the gays at disneyland are vicious
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
