i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
