she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
