i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
