Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
