Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
