Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
