I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
