we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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