some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
