I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
