I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I am midnight drunk by noon
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
