"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
