Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize