FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
