oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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