You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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