Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
