I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while