sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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