booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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