I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
fuck your aforementioned shoe
birth control should be required to get into college
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
