why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
