i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
