Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
