good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
