Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
