How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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