Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
