You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
