I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
