You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
