so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
