my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
