Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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