This is not my ceiling
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
