If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
