Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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