my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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