Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
