u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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