So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
