Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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