Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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