He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
