I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
