It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
